I don’t like pain, really.

Posted: August 16, 2011 in Uncategorized

According to my dictionary the definition of masochism is “the tendency to derive pleasure from one’s own pain or humiliation”. Now, I am by no means a masochist but I believe that sometimes we are forced into situations that imitate that concept and perhaps due to a perpetual exposure to those situations, one begins to become familiar with that particular pain or humiliation and because of that, we allow it to go on because as human beings, we are averse and opposed to loss and losing.

Therefore, if you think that you suffer from masochism, in all likehood, you don’t and all you’d have to do is assure yourself that you will lose nothing if you separate yourself from whatever situation it is that you find yourself in and because an absence of pain is better than a tiny spark of pleasure in an otherwise repetitive pattern of pain.

In other words, stop being a Desperado ­čśŤ



Slumber me life away.

Posted: August 15, 2011 in Uncategorized

I sleep too much. Or rather, I sleep the functional bits of my life away. This has got to come to an end. Which means that the days of my 3 am rendezvousing are soon going to be rendered obsolete.

Whenever I hear of the passing of a young person, I am struck by an immense amount of sadness and panic. Sad for the fact that they were not able to accomplish the heights of their potential, that window is now irrevocably closed and panic because an even greater tragedy is being alive and squandering that time as if one were dead.

So therefore, as difficult as it’s going to be for me to alter my time patterns. I must do it because death like time waits for no one and both of them are inevitabilities of life.

PS: I know. I adore making up words. So what ­čśŤ



Posted: August 15, 2011 in Uncategorized

If you people are reading this then why on earth aren’t you commenting??? Stop these voyeuristic tendencies please ­čśŤ

It seems as if 3 is for me. Yes, once again up at 3 but of course, this time my reason is justified. It’s the month of fasting. Ramadhan to be exact and I’m waiting for 4 am which is when the rest of the household will awaken and then we’ll partake of the early pre-dawn meal, also known as suhoor.

I realise that my posts are extremely erratic but I won’t give up just yet. I’ll try to write as often as I can but honestly sometimes my writing isn’t fit for public consumption. I smile as I say this of course because that’s what I do and mostly because it’s somewhat true. Either due to it being really bad or excessively morbid. Self deprecation is one of my favourite passtimes even though I’ve been happier and calmer of late. Yes, it is most definitely due to it being Ramadhan. Smile again.

Anyway, 4am draws near and I must go to partake from my meal of dates and water. Simplicity in a needlessly complicated world is one of the best things imaginable.

Until again,


I’ve got a confession.

Posted: March 10, 2011 in Uncategorized

So once again, I find myself here at the wee hours of the morning.

I’ve got a confession.

Yes, another one.

I’m a tough guy. Cold, some call me. I hone the image of myself as the cynic and for the most part, people believe me. But even the most jaded of us occasionally are drawn out by tender touches and searing gazes. Yes, those are the times that I become the wistful romantic. I allow myself to acknowledge the dreams hidden within. I allow myself to feel the sweet smiles of appreciation that I once had.

Yes, me, the girl who disdains the very idea of romantic love, occasionally when something beautiful comes along, I smile and play along.

Innocence Lost

Posted: February 11, 2011 in Uncategorized

I’ve not read the works of John Milton but I imagine that losing ones innocence is even worse than the loss of ones sight.

Innocence. What a precious commodity it is. It is not just a physical state …no, it’s so much more intricate than that. Once lost, it can never be regained. Never be made whole again.

I’ve gazed and caught glimpses into the depths of hell and now I find that my depraved soul has┬ábegun to develop┬áan aversion to baser desires. I find myself mourning for the innocence that was taken from me all those years ago. Now I’m older and all I have left is my decency. The choice is now mine.

Innocence is a rare gem. A treasure of innumerable value. It needs to be nutured and protected. Kept safe at all possible cost. For the sake of the preservation of the purity of mankind.

Then, it was now.

Posted: January 31, 2011 in Uncategorized